I love my kids don’t get me wrong but sometimes being a mother is hard. So many people judge you based on what their idea of motherhood is. Some days I wish I could go to the toilet by myself with no interruption. Sometimes I resent my kids for having tantrums. I don’t wake up immediately when they call out for me. I delay getting out of bed to make them breakfast. Sometimes their socks don’t match because I didn’t do the laundry on time. Their hair will look a mess because I’m tired of fighting to get a brush in.
Most days I impose myself on them, my way or the highway. Finding strength to make dinner and have no one eat can shatter your mom-esteem. I go to work and I never see them wake up. Some days they’re sleeping when I come home. My house is a mess because I haven’t cleaned in a while…it’s not a health hazard but not ideal either.
Sure I have my ideals that I want to live up to. All mothers want to give their kids the best. I struggle with knowing when to cook for them or fold laundry. My two year old will literally scream herself to death to get my attention. I swear the neighbours think I’m abusing those kids.
I love my kids don’t get me wrong but sometimes being a mother is hard. But then I think what if I didn’t have them in my life, I would be more put together but my life would be empty. There would be no-one running around the house looking for me. No-one who thought getting a hug from me is their biggest comfort ever. I would go to the toilet myself yeah but no-one would be in that much of a hurry to tell me about their days. There’d be no-one to dress up. No-one to love me with the same fiery love that my kids love me with. They don’t have a perfect mom, maybe they never will but I’m theirs to have forever.
I’ve been obsessed with using my time wisely because commuting long distance has really shortened my days in extreme ways. I needed to find a way to still interact meaningfully with my girls even if I’m away most of the day. And then I discovered Laura Vanderkam’s 168 hours, I devoured this book within a week (168 hours = one week for those who didn’t know). What valuable insight it has…I would recommend this to anyone who’s ever thought: “I don’t have enough time for…” Since reading this book and blog posts from Laura I’ve reclaimed my art making time. I’ve made it non-negotiable to skip making art in my life – I made it my “core competency” as Laura calls finding two or three things that really matter to you.
I’m working on my “List of 100 things”, which I can maybe overlap with my artist dates. I’m ticking more boxes in my to-do list and it feels great. I’m also looking at how to engage my girls more, even if it’s just for 30 minutes.
If you feel pressed for time and always in a rush, read this book and start tracking where your time really goes. And then start making the necessary changes!
Today I just found out that one of my dear uncles (a family friend we grew up knowing as an uncle) has passed on. Again I’m thinking about the unpredictability of life. Are you living your life or just going through the motions? Are you giving your dreams a chance? Are you spending enough time on the things that make you happy? Are you really happy? Are you living or surviving? Take a moment to think about what would happen if you were just yourself today and that was enough. Living in the fullness of this moment and seeing all the beauty around you. Really seeing and appreciating all that you have. Try to just live like you mean it today 🙂
I’ve just finished reading Dr Kevin Leman’sHave a New Husband by Friday. I like Dr Leman’s practical advice on how to get your man on your side. This book helped me understand the psyche of men better however I’m still getting there when it comes to being the one who must get the ball rolling for results. My favourite line in the book: “well…you married him.” I would recommend Have a New Husband by Friday to any woman seeking to understand her man better. The title fools you into thinking you can change your man, until you realise that it must first start with you changing your approach. A great read, I always enjoy Dr Leman’s anecdotes coupled with great advice.
1. I went to Durban (Margate) for a family holiday for the first time.
2. I got the job of my dreams.
3. Took out most of the carpets in our house.
4. Had a birthday party for my two year old Tshepi.
5. Had a birthday party for my eight year old Tshiamo.
6. Baked a two-tier cake for the first time and aced it!
7. Baked another two-tier cake and it came out even better.
8. I finished a portrait of my grandmother (paternal), framed it and delivered it to her.
9. I moved to Pretoria for two months and came back home.
10. I won a ticket to go see Robin Sharma live.
11. I braided my hair with blonde hairpiece (so over that now!)
12. I started blogging however irregularly!
13. I was part of the national elections 7 May 2014.
14. I facilitated training for the elections and did a lot of presentations. Got great feedback from those!
15. Took the kids to the zoo in Pretoria.
16. Went to the Kaya FM Family day with the girls and their aunt and cousin.
17. Lived with my favourite cousin for a month.
18. I enjoyed my own company and stopped stressing about people who didn’t want to spend time with me.
19. I let people go if they wanted to be out of my life. I stopped pursuing those who left.
20. I took more risks, moving my whole family and stuck it out for two months.
21. I organised all my recipes into files.
22. I experimented more with my cooking.
23. Learnt how to use In Design.
24. Grew my hair long.
25. I was officially ordained as a member of our church’s Ladies Fellowship.
26. I prayed for my dreams.
27. I finally sorted my issues with my partner Mpho and went back to the loving part of our relationship.
28. My little sister Mbali got married and I helped her plan her wedding.
29. Made a wedding tree with guests’ finger prints.
30. I read and bought Robin Sharma’s The Monk who sold his Ferrari.
31. I read and bought Robin Sharma’s Leader without a Title.
32. I read and bought Love Does by Bob Goff.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how short life really is. I know it’s a cliche but do we really comprehend what a brief time we have here? Today someone who planned to do something didn’t wake up or get to see their loved ones again. Let’s appreciate the time we have and use it wisely.